A Life of Passion is a Joy Forever

2010-02-15T01:36:00.000-08:00

Recently, my employer promised a revision to their existing incentive policies, promising us more money in an attempt to win over some good will. Good will that was lost when we saw an exodus of employees from the organization when the economy tanked. Most were forced exits and this left a bad taste in all of us who remained. But what really caught my attention was how quickly those people (who were so bitter about what the organization did to so many employees for no fault of theirs) took the bait and reverted to their chirpy ways of life. Those people who wanted to leave the organization because the management was caught napping and could have saved a few 100 jobs had they cut out on some indulgences, didn’t seem to care anymore! I was especially furious when our Managing Director addressed us in a “Re-Connect” town-hall meet stating that he was sorry but the management was caught in “delightful strategic vagueness” post a take over from a European firm! I digress…this thought led to various other thoughts in my head and….

A few centuries ago, God or fear of his wrath caused most citizens to act in a way the religiously inclined King / Tribal Leader (any other form of Patriarchal governance) saw fit. Religious institutions still wield some of that power today but the masses are turning to a newer religion based on self indulged voracity for wealth. Ringing in the capitalistic era and redefining “fittest” in the ol Darwinian quip regarding survival, we have successfully morphed into a race that chases heaven on earth rather than saving it for the afterlife.

Historians have studied the annals of the past, carefully scrutinizing each religious practice, each pagan law and symbol, pegging the evolution of the man from bipedal primates to the homosapien to his religious practices and fear of the almighty. Who then will study the modern man and what will the development of the future human be pegged to? Not historians who can study pagan symbols and decipher obscure religious acts. Not even people who are well versed with art, architecture and literature.

The future man will be judged by historians who are economists. They will dice and slice GDP data, inflation rates, market indices and other parameters that revolve around wealth. Already, countries with greater wealth have greater clout in negotiating and enforcing their wants and needs on others. So all man has been successful in doing is replacing the god with the money. Man fears the wrath of this money and strives to protect his new god, his money in the bank. Much like the earlier times…don’t you think? (Except it’s a lot more inclusive, free trade binding us all secularly….and securely :-) to this new religion).

Now let’s imagine that the “humans from the future” (from here on forward referred to as HFTF) have constructed a device that allows them to view their past.(HTFT will occupy another planet because all of our natural resources would have been devoured in true capitalistic style) HFTF will be observing us worship this money god and perform ritualistic sacrifices in terms of armed conflicts, they will witness thousands that die because of a stock market crash, they will witness us celebrate on building vulgar gas emitting water polluting structures….

They will probably be as bewildered as I was when I read that Aztec priests pulled out hearts of human sacrifices to offer to their gods so He may shower them with rain!! “Humans were stupid back then” they will think….as I thought. At least the Incans and Aztecs prayed for rain…

Soon the $ sign will truly denote divine providence!

MBA quest and the emotional revelations that are his bedfellows

2010-02-04T04:15:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes…like the gazillion people trudging through what my better half so eloquently calls “quarter life crisis” I am chasing the MBA dream. And in the process so far (In retrospect of course…cause life is a lesson…you learn it when you’re through :p) I have learnt a butt load. Before I get into the agonizing details of what pain I endured, let me just say the whole route taken, from when I entered college, has been in the quest for meaning. I have been desperately attaching myself to things, people, events, and thoughts …all so I can justify my existence…at least to myself. And sometimes I have gone out of the way to alter my path to gain social acceptance…something I falsely value a lot cause of my past…when I was little and I saw how quickly family dissolves in times of constraint…mostly financial. So instead of visiting a shrink (I know one and she is really good…we’ve overcome a lot of internal tribulations together)…I’m vomiting out a post…after a fairly long break so pardon me if I lack clarity, flow and structure!
I have always wanted to do an MBA….and I have spent so much time trying to conquer that dream that somewhere in between “diversifying my profile” and slogging my butt off….I forgot why exactly!! So while waiting for the results of one of my applications (I was dinged….I’m still waiting on a few more though) I spent some time actually trying to track back and “get in touch with my roots”. I still have not been able to unearth why I originally wanted an MBA! But my findings are below:

College
My MBA dream originated before college….but this is the farthest I am able to track it… I wanted it because all the technical stuff I learnt or attempted to learn as an engineer had meaning only if they were useful to the common man… I wanted to be an agent that delivers technical findings and cutting edge to the masses to help make life easier. Utopian and all…but when I learnt about the carnot cycle…what really mattered was how it was used to study thermodynamics and how the results translated to practical use! I was never awed by fascinating theory…I enjoyed simple practical application. I believed an MBA (rather than an MS…that’s the other route engineers take to satiate their craving for a life purpose) would help me attain the acumen to bridge the gap between the commercial and scientific world!

First year at work
Was happily in love after having almost wrecked the relationship with the most wonderfulest person in the world. She was going to go away to the USA to do her MS, she was the conventional types. Needed to fit into her world…needed to be accepted by her family…I could do that with an MBA from a good institute… could redeem some pride, that which I had lost after not graduating from IIT or BITS or REC. So now there was an ulterior motive behind my goal…and this is where the “reason” was beginning to get lost.

Second year at work
She was in the US now…so distance allowed / forced me to focus on work, I worked harder to keep myself from missing her---> getting frustrated ---> doing something stupid --->breaking up --->blaming distance for the failure of a wonderful relationship. Of course she being away meant being less reminded that I wasn’t from a premier institute like her or almost all of her other friends and family…so that aspect began to dilute. However, my focus at work threw open so many “managerial” venues that fascinated me, so now I wanted an MBA to get to know how and why these corporates do things the way they do and why not in a simpler efficient way…like what I saw in my head. I had to find out why HR existed (I swear HR is the most redundant aspect of any organization). So this is where I began obsessing over top line, bottom line (Pri….dont pull a Joey and laugh at this), productivity et al. I wanted an MBA so I could improve all these things. Now, at this stage I wanted an MBA because I wanted to be a better manager than those around / above me!

Third year at work
Excelled at work, I mean really kicked booty…couple of promotions, delved deeper into the management world. Six sigma, mathematical modeling, developed interest in theatre and saw that as a venue to engage my management know-how. Spilling with ideas, no boundaries, no limits….creative epitome and excitement ebbing about an MBA…and soon a huge reality check…I really cannot afford to get this wrong….I need to get into a good b-school and quick. My parents are getting old, so are her parents…so am I and so is she!! We need to get married soon. “You need to settle down Arun….where are you going with your life…what are you doing, are you taking steps to get where you want, why don’t you discuss any of this with me?” asks dad! Now I’m almost back to where I was at the First year of work. She’s still there…I’m still here…we are still madly in love with each other but the pressure is mounting, clocks ticking and I have a feeling I’m being watched…monitored…measured….judged!!

GMAT 1 not good enough….squirmy feedback from important people…I take a break, thank you Antony Robins and other self help people, and try again…GMAT 2 made the cut. Happy?…transient happiness is the worst…Applications begin…write your essays and have them reviewed….don’t submit applications late, some good feedback and suggestions from important people. Productivity at work dips, boss expects a lot more…my track record featured when he gave his projections to his boss…and I’m so of track now…pressure from a new front. And now I lose track of why I wanted an MBA…and how do I realize I’ve lost track of the reason…first question in all my applications “Why is an MBA a critical next step toward your short- and long-term career goals?” and I’m answering that question 5 times in 5 different ways (with so many ulterior motives) thinking I am cleverly camouflaged and will not be discovered.

I blog about this cause an old friend asked me if I was fulfilling my purpose and was satisfied with my being. I told her I was and that I always wanted to be an entrepreneur and I wanted an MBA. She said I had a harmonious energy about me and that I’ve turned out well. First real words of comfort in an otherwise judge-ey world!! Wait for the big fish to come your way and don’t panic…it will come cause the universe is with you. Wow!

I’m stepping into the 4th year at work…I have plenty of reasons to do an MBA…but I will do it because it’s on the path to discover my purpose…it’s a goal that has kept me “harmonious” despite the badgering my ego and id took! My purpose is a lot of things…staying madly in love with her (Shes the bestest in the world incase I haven’t mentioned before), getting an original idea and entrepreneurially excelling in reaching it to the masses, redeeming my pride amongst a pantheon of academic gods, and most of all giving back to my parents who didn’t dissolve when it rained acid….and created that aura of harmony while soaking up the pain.
I will wait for the big fish… a little happier now! Thanks you guys! :D

Blind Dating is so passé...we Indians prefer Blind Wedding

2009-05-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago an acquaintance of mine set her gtalk status message to “Do you know anyone in Thorraipakam CTS?” and since I work in the recruitment industry, I understood that she was possibly looking to change her job. Being the naïve idiot I am, I buzzed her saying I knew someone who worked in the HR department in that office. Her response amused the crap out of me!!!

She was looking for “background information” on some poor guy who worked there!!! And it wasn’t even for her….it was for a friend of hers!! Imagine my surprise!!

It just felt wrong trying to dig up dirt on someone you don’t even know (or at least being a part of a group that did). But I did end up helping her gain some more info on this poor guy….and here is why.

First of all, this is standard protocol apparently and the guy could be looking her up as well. Second, her parents have given her the luxury of deciding whether or not she wants to spend the rest of her life with this guy but of course she cannot meet him or even talk to him. She has two days to make her decision and so, given her confined freedom, she cannot verify anything more than if he works where he said he does and if anyone at his workplace has anything bad to say about him. Thirdly, and this is the most important reason of them all, I decided to help her because the numbers just seemed to add up…let me elaborate…

There are a lot of us who do get into relationships and eventually get married to our respective partners and there are a lot more of us who subscribe to the whole arranged marriage custom (willingly or unwillingly) and get married to complete strangers based only on an online profile in some matrimony site. Both forms of marriages have couples facing ups and downs, sharing joy and facing problems. A few couples may end their marital vows but this is never attributed to the fact that the marriage was arranged. In fact I have only heard stories of bitter divorces from the “love marriage” side of the scale and although divorces also occur in almost same numbers in the arranged marriages demographic, they aren’t as bitter as the other side.

In the end…the order in which love and marriage appear in one’s life is fairly non consequential. It just goes to show, if you want your relationship to work, you can get it to work. And with the arranged marriages scheme, you sidestep the pain and heartbreaks most people go through pre-actual-relationship. So it’s a good practice practically speaking, especially if you’ve burnt your hands trying to find the perfect partner by yourself. I am against people forcing someone to get married to a stranger when that person already has a committed relationship with a person they believe to be their life partner. That’s just fundamentalist and scary!! Blind wedding concept, however, seems like fun and is possibly just as effective as and more exciting than the love marriage.

Moodkill

2009-02-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

In lieu of the time spent fighting the irritation from within, I decided to write this blog. Of late I have been feeling a bit low. Maybe it is because of all the paranoia around me owing to the recession, or the fact that my parents are acting psychotic or my job is becoming a bit of a drag, or all my friends seem to be going further away from me. I don’t know what could be causing this sudden irritation. I’d like a nice pint of beer and a good book to get away from all of this. Maybe I should head to Pondy for the weekend? Doh….I can’t. I have a show this Sunday and we rehearse on Saturday. Bloody hell…I need a break. …..I expected to feel better after this…but I don’t. Maybe I should stand outside my office with a large sign that says “Free hugs”.

Diwali Overkill

2008-11-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

With all the bomb blasts happening in India, it seems like there are people here who have taken Diwali a little too seriously. “My explosion is bigger than yours…Ha” kinda mood. I know I am crassly ridiculing a serious tragedy…but it’s my blog :p. Seriously, I mourn the deaths of all those innocent civilians and this blog is dedicated to them.

I have a few takes on how a tragedy affects the average Indian not directly impacted by these events of terror and what role the media plays. It all weaves into a socio-political net that traps naïve citizens, who simply witness the events, awestruck! Almost like a crowd applauding a freak show, they also acknowledge and digest the news in an excited state, figuring out what an interesting coffee break discussion it will make the following day.

1. The media follows the mantra of “bad news is good news”. It is bonus day for the media if 100 people die in a freak act of terror, and if the act of terror involves children, pregnant women, rape and an airplane…Christmas in Hawaii baby!! This affects the general mindset of people too. A fine example would be of the man who was thought of as dead, post the Naina Devi temple stampede, waking up at the morgue minutes before his autopsy!! http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24141681-5012761,00.html . People were so anxiously awaiting death toll to go from 143 to 150 that the rescue staff had begun believing there were no more survivors. They started heaving bodies of unconscious people, sleeping people…into the truck heading to the morgue. I wonder how many people where alive when their post mortem was carried out!! I can see a guy yell, “That’s 150, and we reached 150, people!! “. The media really have to become more responsible and mature. Now, they are more like the mean kid with a magnifying glass, torching little civilian ants.

2. When there are so many people bombing places and protesting and fighting with their lives on the line, we should try and figure out why they do what they do. The news always reports the goriest deaths and most gruesome acts of terror in full. Most articles detail out the deaths, how the dead bodies lay, how many bullet holes in the head, how many limbs remaining in the torso…and this really annoys me. Only a couple of lines about who took responsibility for the blasts and why they resorted to terror. It is obvious that the acts were committed because the people committing the crime want to be heard. So let the public know why this happened…god damn it!! Maybe then, the terrorists won’t have to blow up 7 other cities to prove a point!

Moving to a deeper concern; how do you really define terror? A person who blows up a market place, kills innocent civilians? Is that it? In that case why do movies like Rang De Basanti, Mangal Pandey, any movie based on freedom fighters who fought the British away using force, portray people who shoot and kill as being heroes. Shouldn’t they be classified as terrorists too? Are we setting double standards? The terrorists who commit today’s atrocities believe in their cause just as our heroes such as Subhash Chandra Bose and others once did!! I know I sound ridiculous, I have not bought this concept entirely too…but I don’t know how I can argue this one out of my head!

I suddenly recall Alfred Pennyworth’s statement from the movie Dark Knight. “Some men aren't looking for anything logical like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” And I am forced to believe only such people can really be classified as terrorists. All others are either confused agents of change or warriors of an uncommon form of reason. The only way to address the issue then will be to hear them out and look for middle ground. I know the fear of one of these people taking advantage of our patience is overwhelming. But is that worth the deaths of so many innocent people? Why don’t we fight the war against terrorism in a non-Bush way? Why can’t we have an anti terrorist body that focuses on getting petitions from disturbed sections of society and have a parliament day for cabinet members to thrash it out and take a call? Wouldn’t we be at least acting like we cared?!! Instead we have politicians in power visiting hospitals after the bloody explosion!! When the world is economically crumbling under American idiocy, India should really look for simple solutions to these unnecessary problems and focus on getting one up on its competitors. We as a nation should use this global recession period to secure the nation’s economy and move a step ahead when the rest of the world is taking a breather.

P.S – I am fully aware that I run the risk of sounding extremely ridiculous with this entry, but this entire blog was one free flow of thought. Didn’t want to corrupt it with reason and analysis. Just a rant with no real conclusion.

Muda (Japanese for waste, Business for awesome)

2008-10-22T01:13:00.000-07:00

When I was much younger (before the receding hairline and college education) my dad used to read me excerpts from a book (Say yes to your potential) by Skip Ross. I particularly enjoyed this one about 2 young kids participating in a human behavior experiment. Following is my version of the story from what I remember.

Two 9 yr olds, Dave and Jake were carefully chosen from a neighborhood school to participate in this experiment. Dave was a chirpy, happy kid who was excited about life, excited at every experience he had and energetic. Jake was the crying, worrisome, cloud over the head type, typically Harry potters cousin Dudely. So they took these kids and put them in 2 separate rooms to study if the environment influences their “mood”. Dave was put in a room filled with horse manure and Jake was put in a room filled with all the toys a 6 yr old could want (train sets, remote control cars, transformer toys…the works)…and they were left alone for about an hour in solitary confinement. You’d think that when the experimenters opened the door to Jakes room they’d have found him happy….but no…He was bawling. “this twain wont work, I twied widing the wemote control car and now it’s a metal raft…waaaah”…so they said to hell with this kid and went to check on Dave. Expecting Dave to be in a horrible mood, they cautiously opened the door to his room…and splat, dung right to the face. They found Dave jumping around flinging “processed hay” around as if it were snow on Christmas Eve, yelling “eeee-haaw”. The experimenters were shocked…and they asked Dave, “What are you doing son?” to which he said “Are you kidding me…I’ve been to a ranch and with so much manure around…there’s got to be a pony somewhere in this room”.

I told you that story to tell you this story.

Muda means waste in Japanese. When the Americans were busy increasing their production levels by shoveling out more produce and aiming to increase market share to increase profits (they thought at that point that it was the only way to) the Japs decided to cut down on their wastage to increase their profits. So they went about reducing their Muda.

For e.g. The automobile industry; in the early 1900’s there were thousands of automobile manufacturing companies in the west and practically anyone who owned a garage would order parts and assemble individual cars to be sold to rich fat white immigrants and the wealthy. The entry barrier was extremely low and the market was huge, unorganized and untapped. But over time, Ford came up with a mass production plant and started making the sturdy Model T in large scale. This way they were able to reduce cost per car manufactured and squeeze their margins more than the several small time car makers. (reducing Muda of individual production) So what became the mantra to success was, if we can mass produce in large scale we will be successful. They bought raw materials in large volumes and rolled out cars in large numbers based on demand etc. and left it at that.

When the time came for the Japs (post world war II) in the mid 1900s to restructure and manufacture, they went about it in a very similar manner initially having learnt from the Americans and thrived with the standard volume concept. However, in order to compete with the Big 3 (Ford, GM and Chrysler) who had an established market post depression, they knew they couldn’t succeed by just aping the successful guys and had to come up with something special to go about beating them in their own game. Enter quality systems. The Japs decided to do their basics right and check what all they could cut down on and how they could further squeeze margins without necessarily producing more. What they noticed was, they were internally losing so much in 7 forms of Muda (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muda_(Japanese_term)#The_seven_wastes). They diligently set about eliminating these forms of Muda. What resulted was a management marvel. The cars that the Japs wanted to sell in the USA were smaller than those produced by American car makers and so the public considered it sub standard or second class. Even though the cars were a whole lot cheaper and of better quality than the American cars they needed an image makeover. With a little branding and clever marketing they were able to overthrow the automotive giants in their home ground. Till date Toyota (Japanese automobile manufacturer) holds the number one spot in terms of sales in the USA. With more companies focusing on eliminating Muda, fewer and fewer car manufacturing companies could survive and compete against such quality at incredibly low prices. A market that started off with over 20,000 automobile companies was brought down to 20 efficient players. In essence the players, who equipped themselves to eliminate Muda, showed growth and stability. And viola, large scale consolidation of a large scattered random market happened.

Competition within the survivors of the Muda revolution soon stabilized. Car manufacturers now have not experienced the same growth rates they experienced in those years of market consolidation.

I work in the staffing industry. Anyone who has a phone and an email address can basically start being a staffing consultant. Lowest entry barrier ever!! And there is so much Muda involved, it’s like gold mining using a strainer. Every day an average recruiter submits atleast 10 CVs to fill a position and he/she ends up closing around 3 positions a month. 3 out of every 300 tries, that translates to only 1 percent of productive work and 99% Muda. In order to experience phenomenal growth, all we have to do is find a way to reduce the Muda. So, much like Dave in Skip Ross’s story, I am terribly excited that there is so much waste around!! There has got to be a solution somewhere in here that could propel us in to a dizzying growth curve!

Try seeing life in the form of productive and muda, and go about eliminating muda. It’s the simplest most effective success secret ever. Muda can be in any facet of our life, emotional, physical, spiritual etc. The key lies in identifying, acknowledging and removing muda. So when you think life has handed you a shitty deal…stay excited, it may be the best deal you have ever gotten.

Japanese lifestyle

2008-08-20T04:18:00.000-07:00

I recently went through a six sigma training program and I realized that a lot of our real life situations can be easily ironed out by systematic methodic analysis. To tell you a little more about Six Sigma, it is a quality initiative to minimize the number of error occurrences in any process. The steps used to improve a process include,

· Defining your problem
· Defining and examining your current process
· Identifying and selecting key indicators in your process
· Performing a root cause analysis based on the indicators you’ve identified as being critical to your process
· Altering your process to eliminate the root causes of the problem
· Implementing the changes in a disciplined fashion over time

As I was being taught this in theory and given various numerical methods to calculate how to measure the efficiency of my business process, it occurred to me that all these methods can be used just as well to make our daily lives a lot easier and more efficient.
So I decided to try it with one of the biggest problems I face everyday…horrible traffic during my 20 km ride to work.

Before I elaborate the example, I have to run a few rules by you. When the Japs came up with quality control stuff, they made a set of rules that are like the ten commandments of process control.

Firstly, you are not allowed to try and control anything outside your purview. So I cannot blame the traffic, because it isn’t something I control. I can’t blame the bad roads or the weather. Secondly, before I go about improving the process, I should clearly define what I want. Finally, I should know the existing process thoroughly and be extremely familiar with it.

So I can’t say traffic is my problem…my problem definition will have to be “Being late to work”. Then I go about setting my goals, which would be “getting to work on time”. Now I need to figure out the process of getting to work. (elaborated below)

1. Wake up at 5:30 AM
2. Get to CAT class by 6:15 Am (if there is a class that day; else move to step 3)
3. Get mom to pack lunch by 8:30 AM (if mom has made lunch that day; else move to step 4)
4. Leave home at 8:45 AM
5. Fill fuel if fuel is low ; else move to step 6
6. Reach work by 9:30

I have to identify indicators that tell me how I am performing the process of getting to work, so I take in indicators such as:
· How many days a week do I wake up on time
· How many days a week do I leave home at 8:45 AM
· How many times a week do I have to fill fuel
· How many times a week do I reach work on time

I am not going into too many details (I will have to classify them into input, process and output indicators and study their trends over a given period of time etc.), but the crux is I have to confine myself to stuff I have control over and cannot blame an anomaly or incongruity for my lack of quality in performing a particular process. So the whole point of this exercise is to see what one can do within their scope to perform a process to the best of their ability despite the disturbances that occur externally (Outside your scope).

On prioritizing my indicators, I found that waking up on time is the most critical to my entire process of getting to work on time. So I performed a root cause on why I wake up on time only 2 times out of the 5 working days. After a little brainstorming (better to seek support of a team involved in the process to get as many views as possible) I figured out that the root cause for the entire problem was me reading late into the night and waking up late that was causing me being late to work. So if I can eliminate this habit, and focus on getting to bed early, I will reach work on time…simple!!! It seems like a useless thing to do, analyzing a process like this using 6 sigma methodology, but it is useful in more complex business processes.

So what I learnt from this whole thing was, very often, we conclude that we are unable to perform because of certain external factors, and it is easy to keep it that way, because we can remain in our comfort zone. A true performer remains a performer whether it rains, or there is traffic. It is important to want to be that true performer and excel despite any external factor.

Many times in the past I’ve seen myself blame “fate” and “destiny” for having taken away so much and caused me so much of pain. The six sigma experience gave me an answer to those entire frustrating and unanswerable occurrences. I feel I am at peace with my past knowing that at every juncture I could have been more prepared and responsible. All the things that have happened to me are because of me. And this isn’t a bad thing….it only goes to show that I do have more control over where I want to be tomorrow, at least more than I thought I had earlier.

Destination vs Journey

2008-08-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

Have you been involved in courting a partner? Have you felt the rush and excitement that hit you during that phase of your life? If you have, then this essay will be easier to relate to. For those of you that haven’t experienced the butterfly in tummy effect, it’s like there is a large colorful butterfly in your tummy! Your heart skips a beat whenever you see / talk to / think of this special person. It’s the one feeling that Hollywood or Hallmark has been unable to amplify and exaggerate simply because it is too beautiful a feeling to corrupt for commercial gains.

When I was smitten (I have been smitten more than once) I experienced the same feelings. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I always attributed the beautiful feeling to the partner, but in retrospect I realized it was the sense of uncertainty combined with the unconditional, pure, reason free levels of hope. It didn’t matter what the outcome would be, it didn’t matter what the realities were, the only drive would be based on hope of one day beating the odds and winning her over. And all my actions, although mostly clumsy and ham-fisted, I would enjoy. Every step I took towards my goal was a pure pleasure trip independent of the outcome. I wasn’t successful several times, but I remember every moment without any regret. I ultimately ended up with a perfect partner, of courseJ! And she is simply the best but this isn’t about her or how great love is, this is about how so many times what we call foolish hope or bungling actions actually have given us the greatest feelings of joy.

The journey is lost in the quest for the destination. All our life we journey to what seems to be a constantly shifting destination. I understand, accept and agree that the destination is vital, your goals are very important and there is no denying that. In fact without a concrete goal or aim, short term and long term, you might as well be in a coma. But once you have your eye on something, don’t let your reason get in the way. Pls. note that I used the phrase “your reason” to emphasize that reason isn’t a universal set of laws common to all. You form them over time due to various inputs and it is very personal. What seems obvious to you may seem like a complete myth to another. So most times, when we set ourselves a target we tend to reason out and modify our goals or we set our goals based on what we hold to be ground realities. We strive so hard, hurt ourselves, and thoroughly exhaust ourselves in continuously questioning our abilities to attain what we set out to achieve.

The solution is a lot simpler compared to the complexity of the problem. Whenever we set ourselves a goal it is important to persist and believe in it enough to want it despite external incongruities. And secondly, learn to enjoy the journey. Lesson is derived from the courting metaphor quoted earlier. It doesn’t matter if you look like a wart and she is the most gorgeous thing alive, it doesn’t matter if you are from a conservative Hindu family and she is a Taliban heiress, when you want her, you want her enough to forget rules, defy norms and get her no matter what. The passion is what drives you and that is all that matters. Ever step towards your goal you enjoy. Enjoy the journey and believe in the destination.

Bottom Line: - The orgasm doesn’t imply good sex, but good sex results in an orgasm. Sex is the journey and if we enjoy it, the destination (orgasm) is guaranteed.

I believe, therefore I am.

2008-05-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

When are we really in a fix? Is it when what we want, cannot happen? Is it when what we want to do cannot be done? Is it when we are in trouble for something we didn’t do?

More often than not, we are in a fix because our course of action to achieve something is in conflict with the “correct” course of action. The “correct” course of action is again, defined by you. Basically when we do something that is in conflict with our values and beliefs we end up in a problematic situation. Every time you get that gut feeling that something will go wrong, you are experiencing the conflict between your actions and what you would have ideally liked to do. You can validate this statement with every time you’ve had that feeling. What it invariably leads to is a disaster.

Why do some people make money by pilfering and plundering, and stay successful and happy while others slog, live a mediocre life and stay unhappy? Why do some people work half as hard as the others and yet produce better results? It is simply because they have gotten a strong belief system that builds their life to coincide with their way of life. Is it not obvious then, that your actions may have caused your problems (in hindsight) but it really is your belief system that keeps you from overcoming or sometimes avoiding the problem? I am not asking you to become a lowly thief or a grime bag that cheats others for a living, but I just want you to realize that the power to choose a happier life, lies within the boundries that you can change at any instant.

Your values and beliefs are what reflect in you. In other words you are the image of your values and beliefs. These values and beliefs are tested with situations that have arisen due to your past actions, and when you base your reactions on the past action, you are only going against your inner self again. Instead if you were to realize what action would agree with you, and fully take part in altering your course of action to resonate with your value system, you would be a much happier person regardless of the outcome.

Your belief systems and value systems are based on several strong inputs, imbibed over time. Some stronger than the others, based on how events impacted you. In essence, you have developed a sort of “user manual” to life in your formative days. Hence, when your actions conflict or need you to twist your strongly formed “rules”, you falter and “break-down”. The easiest solution remains then, to only act on the lines of what your beliefs and values permit you to. For those of you who are more adventurous, there remains an option of re-writing your “user manual” and putting in a new belief system. Upgrade your “destiny” so to speak.

To some of you, your beliefs may lead you to reject advice and thoughts on “self-help”, some of you may very strongly believe that there exists a god with a magnifying glass, who likes frying mortal humans for kicks (those of you residing in Chennai, India can relate to this metaphor better). I bet you have never been let down. Self-help books or messages have never worked for you, god is always putting you in horrible situations and causing you unfair misery. Every time such things happen, they only go to show that the system is in place and working. Over time and several instances of misery, your belief system is so strong that you start being uncomfortable with happiness. Your comfort zone sits squarely in the centre of the misery zone, causing you to act by default in ways that cause misery.

I observed and analyzed this theory of mine in 2 of my very close friends, perhaps the example will exemplify what this overly philosophical blogger is trying to convey.

2 young women, lets call them A and B. They were from totally different backgrounds, different up bringing styles, hence two very contrasting belief systems. They were at the stage in life where they were becoming truly independent, post adolescence. ‘A’ had finished college and was stepping into her work shoes. B had 2 years to complete her degree. Both of them had enough freedom to take decisions for themselves. A was stuck in a roller coaster of misery, bad relationships, a crumbling family, depression medication, career not satisfying. B on the other hand had no relationship, had a strong family (even though her sister and dad were away from her, working in different continents), was studying and already getting job offers from top companies. This example may seem baseless, but pls. stop to consider the fact that, one was happy doing what she wanted, and the other was unhappy DOING what SHE wanted. ‘A’ had had a bad childhood, had been harassed and had developed a strong belief system that reinforced her childhood days. She didn’t want misery, but she believed only misery existed. On the other hand, ‘B’ was a person who believed in goodness and happiness being a possibility if she did the “right” things. She was encouraged by her belief system to do the right things to keep her happy.

‘A’ and I have spent long hours breaking our heads over why such things were happening to ‘A’ and once we figured out the solution, I saw ‘A’ transform into a content and free individual. She was successful in modifying some of her beliefs and broke free from the cyclic routes of misery. She was in a position to overcome most of her grief and found a perfect solution to what seemed to be an unsolvable problem. Had she not altered her beliefs, she would still be in a horrible state, blaming the cosmos for picking on her. I too have been a horrible person in the past, I have done several things that have brought me sadness and misery, but now I can firmly say that I have become more in control of what happens to me simply because I am aware I can change my beliefs to more fruitful and constructive ones.

Perceiving Illusions

2007-03-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

Being a part of a sleepy community implies that the smallest of activities will excite and enthuse. I was a small time free lance reporter holidaying at Lewisville, my home town. I felt the blood rush when the town came to know that one of its citizens was convicted of double homicide and multiple rapes. It was one of the Hudson twins and it was big news! Jamey“Tweener”Hudson, the little kid who ran away from home at the age of 12 was going to be executed. Being the only reporter in town at that hour gave me an edge over the other scavenging members of my sadistic clan. A reporter for over 15 years, I had learnt to detach myself from the news as such and focus on crafting the news so it seems closer to how the public want to see it, and so even though I knew Jamey personally, with a grin in my face and my mobile phone in my ear, I rushed to the Sheriffs office where he was being held.

After calling my photographer friend and colleague, I drove to the Sheriffs office, making notes in my head and visualizing how I should introduce myself to an old friend converted felon. The drive was short. Excited to see the almost empty parking lot and confident that the Sheriff will let Jamey meet an old friend, I parked my car near the entrance of the parking lot and cursed my photographer for not having arrived yet. The town was 5 square miles; I wondered what was keeping him. Making the most of the time I had, I jotted down the questions I had framed. I had a personal edge over the other reporters and so most of my questions revolved around his emotions and what he felt about the courts judgment. Just as I wrote down my last question, “What drove you to become what you are today?” my fat friend walked in with a camera and a smile from ear to ear.

The Sheriff was a friend of my father’s and I had no trouble asking for a private sitting in the box. I even got a doughnut and a cup of coffee. The sheriff told me that Jamey was in the remorse stage of his prison life, that he was a lot less violent, resigning to his fate and regretting his actions. I was asked not to provoke any hurtful feelings and I assured the sheriff I was just here to express my commiseration to an old friend. After a couple of photographs of me with the Sheriff, I was escorted to the prison. I was shocked!

In front of me, across the heavy metal gate with a peep hole, sat a man in blue overalls. His eyes were radiating sorrow and pain. His overall appearance was that of a helpless bum, not of a serial killer! He looked so meek and timid. Like a cornered wet puppy. “Hello Jamey”, I broke the deafening silence. “Hey Roon” he replied smiling, with the heaviest eyes. “I am so sorry man, I am so sorry all this is happening” I said. He wept, smiling “Not as sorry as I am bro”. I then told him that I was a reporter and I needed to ask him a few questions. He could answer if he was comfortable or choose not to. He was glad to help.

Just as he finished answering my last question (weeping bitterly), the sheriff entered in a hurry. Panicking, he asked to talk in private. As we went to the office room I was informed that Jamey’s older brother had just called and he was coming to visit his twin brother soon. I politely asked the sheriff what I was to do. He explained that Brian Hudson would be landing in an airstrip 12 miles out of town and that he did not have anyone who could go pick him up. I was requested to go pick up his elder brother. My quizzical look was well read by the Sheriff and he exclaimed “You don’t know?!”

What the Sheriff told me then was startling. Brian was the Brian. Owner / Operator of Hudson Inc. One of the richest men in America was making a secret trip to visit his felon brother. My lucky day! I was more than willing to help. I walked back to the cell, where my photographer friend had finished taking a few pictures. I asked him to get them developed at once. After informing Jamey about his brother’s visit, I said goodbye.

As I drove to the airstrip I wondered at how differently the twins had turned out. They were both fairly average at school. There were rumors about how they were beaten at home and how their father was a drunk. I had seen them in school sometimes with a black eye or a bruised forehead. When we were 12, the Hudson twins ran away and their father was found guilty of attempting to kill their mother. That was the last I had heard of them before today.

The air strip was easy to find and just as I pulled into the parking lot, a sparkling white jet skidded to a halt. Within minutes a smart tall man in a pin-stripe suit stepped out. He radiated power and commanded respect with every step. It was shocking to see how different, identical twins could look! Brian’s appearance was in direct conflict to what I had seen in prison. No one would believe they were identical twins. I walked up to him and greeted him, introducing myself. After getting re-acquainted, he let me know that no one was aware he was here, and he would like to keep it quite. He was in an obvious hurry and so we sped off without too much of a conversation.

On the drive back to the sheriff’s office we got talking. I let him know I was sorry about his brother and he said he was too. I asked him what happened after they fled at the age of 12. He told me that they were sent to a foster home and were asked to finish schooling. Brian went on to finish his college education, while Jamey stuck to his job at the Cineplex. Soon, Brian had a job at a bank and had to move away. Brian had lost touch with his brother and was too busy to answer the voice messages his brother had left him. He regretted doing that now, but he also told me that Brian should have been more responsible.

Curious, I asked him the one question I thought will answer my inner question of how they grew up so different having been in the same environment during the formative years. The question was abrupt and seemed out of the blue, I asked “What drove you to become what you are today?”. There was a pause which seemed like eternity, and then what I heard was the most amazing thing.

Confused and intrigued at the same time, I returned home and I pondered over the evening’s events. Of course I had typed out my interview and sold it over the internet. “Tweener Talks” sold for a handsome price but I still was not satisfied. There was a huge incomplete bit that was not answered and I continued to loose myself in thought.

The Hudson twins, though identical physically, were worlds apart as two individuals. One was a happy rich man, and the other was a convicted felon driven by hate. I had posed them both the same question (“What drove you to become what you are today?”) and I was shocked because the answers I received were exactly the same. Both of them said “With an abusive and irresponsible dad like mine, there was no other way I could be”. Two similar people driven by the same factor in two opposite directions. Was it that Jamey was not clever enough for him to know not to be like his old man? Hell no! Jamey was the smarter of the two in school. Was it that Jamey had not LEARNT from his father’s mistakes? Not possible, because he hated his father and disliked everything his dad ever did. On the other hand, Brian worked up the ladder achieving everything he wanted to. He had taken care of his mother through her cancer days and was able to provide ample comforts and luxuries to his family. And then it hit me like a fish hook in the eye!

It was not that Jamey was not aware of how his dad was, or because he liked what his father did. He was completely aware of the path his father had taken and was not willing to become his father. He had in his minds eye “What not to be”. He was driven by hatred and the desire to rebel against everything he perceived was making him like his father. He ended up being a step worse than his dad. On the other hand, Brian, who was subjected to the same miseries at home, was driven by a vision of “how to be”. He saw how he wanted to be and didn’t focus on what he did not want to be. He was driven by love and was solution oriented. A situation remains a situation; how you view it is entirely up to you. I figured out the truth behind perception and having understood that the problems we face are mere illusions, drifted into a peaceful sleep, dreaming of what I wanted to be.

Evolve...or be left behind (Part 1- The Question)

2007-02-26T12:39:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd start my blogging life with a quick course in my self developed theory of evolution. It is not so much a theory as it is a corollary. For you to understand my addition to the theory of evolution, you will first have to agree that 1) Life is full of choices and situations & 2) You are where you are today only because of all the choices you have made so far. The latter might be a little harder to accept, as it would directly imply that you are fully responsible for your state as of right now. Considering that most of you are rookies in Arun's Theory of Evolution, i will bend on the 2nd point and will carry on, assuming you've agreed.

Almost all of us are familiar with Mr.Darwin's theory. Yes, that's the one...monkey becomes man...and man becomes software programmer(Especially if the man were from the South Indian part of Pangaea). Bravo, theory fits perfectly, answers all the questions asked, the Church is furious, everyone else is happy. Life goes on. But he very conveniently side stepped the biggest question(yet the most basic question)...."WHY?"

Evolve...or be left behind (Part 2- The Answer)

Why did some of the apes grow thumbs, why did the others stay on trees...why? The question seems deep and at this point you may be thinking, i am going to hit you with a philosophical answer, but the answer is almost as simple as the question itself. It is simply because those monkeys chose to do so.

The monkeys that wanted to adapt, grew thumbs and became "man" and those that resigned to "fate", faded away. So, there was a situation (lack of thumbs due to lack of a better analogy) and those monkeys that resigned to the problem contributed to evolution by choosing not to change. The group that grew into "mankind" however, had the same problem, which they did accept, but they did not resign to it. All they did was, chose to survive.

Before we get into details of the above statements and haggle over the existence of "monkey-man", lets take a look at any human being's life. He has absolutely no control over when he is born and fairly limited control over when he is to leave this world. In between he is faced with many problems (sometimes a lot more grave than lack of thumbs) or situations he perceives to be problems. At such junctures in life he can either chose to resign to the problem or chose to work around it to reach where he really wants to be. Simply put, the problem is only an obstacle in your path to get somewhere and there is no point giving up your aim, your goals, your happiness or anything at all for that matter, cause there is a wall blocking your line of sight. All you have to do is see the lager picture.

Evolve...or be left behind (Part 3- The Message)

There is a larger force that created us all. Some call it god, some call it energy, some even think its the aliens from a distant galaxy. That is not what i am going to discuss, but it is important that i establish that there is a larger force that has caused life as we know it. Everything changes all the time. There is constant entropy in the universe. Evolution happens on a daily basis. The motive of this force is to get us all to evolve. That is the only way we can explain the constant changes that happen around us and to us every minute. Are you with me so far?...

Evolution happens around you and within you all the time, every second of every minute of every hour of every day! All the changes that happen are in the direction of what we think gives us happiness at that given point in time. We only do the things we do cause we believe that it gives us happiness or that our present actions will provide delayed gratification. Still with me...?

Here is where it gets really tough...Do you know how and where you want to be? Do you know what will give u the state of complete happiness? Because if you do not, all you can do to contribute to the process of evolution is, fade away. As i have mentioned before, evolution is driven by knowing what makes you truly happy. And if you do not know what is going to get you there, you are not (in natures eyes) fit to contribute in any other way other than making room for someone who can move ahead by pursuing happiness, and so the universe will unfold in front of you as a labyrinth of dead ends. The universe, on the other hand, will also provide you with every thing you need to get where you want if you merely choose to pursue happiness.(Before you think I'm "philosophising" read on...)

Now, lets leave philosophy behind and get "realistic". Most of us have dreams and are passionate about something or the other. Be it in love or in your career path. Be it in supporting your family or chasing wealth. And yet we are not supported in reality to get what we want(As of right now). "How are you gonna say that's not true Arun, you delusional freak in your happy bubble?" is what is running in your head right now.(Don't have to be a psychic to figure that out) I'm going to deal it to you straight and tell you that it is cause of you.

Stop cursing and listen...Since the day you could think for yourself, you have been making decisions and choices based on several inputs. You have constructed around you certain beliefs and established certain truths in the name of "learning from the past" that have limited your position to grow. Simply because you have imposed on yourself the rules that restrain your happiness. For example, If you've just started working and your boss is being a complete moron, not letting you grow, taking credit for your work, bad mouthing you to your superiors....you tend to tell yourself that bosses are this way and there is no way you can be happy working under him. You still have to keep the job because you need the money, but you will eventually end up cornered all the time. This is because you have told yourself and released to the universe, the thought that you cannot be happy in this job ever. The universe unfolds the way you see it and voila...more problems, more dead ends. But if you take a minute longer, look at the larger picture and focus on the solution, the path around the problem, to see what brings you joy, always, as a rule the universe will manifest as a path around the brick wall, taking you towards your happiness.

I am not talking about wishful thinking or "positive thought". I am talking about your vision. As long as you see what gives you joy, and not focus on what is preventing you from getting it, you will come across a path that takes you there. On the other hand if you want to focus on the past, what you've "been through", what you know will flop again in the future, you are only manifesting around you the same thing in your minds eye. NO, do not deny the existence of the situation or the problem....but do not see only the problem and loose focus of what you really want. By accepting the problem and acknowledging it, while focusing on your ultimate goal...you are ensuring that the same problem will never occur again in the future.

So the next time you are in a tight spot, or a situation that causes you to feel unpleasant, take a minute to step back and look at the larger picture. Focus on your goal and watch the path appear before you. This theory is based on the fact that everything changes continuosly, it has to be true!